


Once Upon a (Mindwiped) Time

by ernyx



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Multi, Natasha has a crisis, Pansexual Bucky Barnes, Past Bucky Barnes/Natasha Romanov, fix it by punching people, mind recovery, personality changes, so much shirtless Bucky, sort of like a time travel au but not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-03
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-07-12 01:50:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7079689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ernyx/pseuds/ernyx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“The therapists had the brilliant idea of using the mind gem in Loki’s scepter to clear out some of the brainwashing, and they managed to pretty much erase everything about the war. He’s… he’s Bucky before he shipped out.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Once Upon a (Mindwiped) Time

**Author's Note:**

> reposted from my tumblr @artificiallyimplantedmemories

     When James Buchanan Barnes first moves into the Avengers Tower, she avoids him like the plague. Part of her wants to punch him and make him remember who she is, part of her thinks he’s better off without. He doesn’t remember training her, doesn’t remember loving her, doesn’t remember shooting her. Natasha is, at least outwardly, content to be a new face to him, one that isn’t particularly interested in being part of his life but also doesn’t blame him for what he’s done. 

     But there are only so many missions you can get in a row, and when you live in the same building and share the same kitchen, it’s hard to avoid someone completely. 

               (It doesn’t help that Steve seems to take it personally  
               that they don’t interact. He thinks that Nat still secretly  
               hates Barnes, and gives her sad puppy eyes about it.)

     Natasha drowns out the guilt of wanting _James_  around instead of _Bucky_ – and this isn’t ‘Bucky’ either, it’s some strange amalgamation of things– with work. Barnes goes to a S.H.I.E.L.D. appointed therapist and tries to figure out how to undo all the brainwashing. 

     Sometimes they share coffee in the mornings, and the quiet companionship is far better than anything else that either of them could have asked for. Natasha makes pancakes or waffles or smoothies and offers Barnes some, he picks at the food but eats it, thanks her, and holes up in his room again. There’s no more than a dozen words exchanged, and that’s okay. 

            (Steve beams at her for it. It doesn’t make her feel less guilty.) 

* * *

     Barnes hates watching them go off for missions. He doesn’t just itch to fight again, to be _useful_ , but also to protect the one friend he knows. The only one from his past, he thinks, his constant companion, the one who believes in him. If he was still religious, he’d tell you that Steve Rogers is an actual angel sent by God. 

     He might still, if he talks. 

     Mostly he spends his days in silence. He reads instead of watching things because he’s terrified that there might be some trigger words that will undo all of the progress he’s made, turn him back into the mindless weapon he once was. He wishes he could drown the memories of his crimes in alcohol, but that barely seems to affect him anymore, so he settles for long hours at the gym instead. 

* * *

     Natasha returns from a relatively routine mission to find Steve, Tony, and Clint in the lounge, talking seriously in hushed voices. Concerned, she joins them, but the conversation is bizarre at best. 

     “I don’t know _what_  they did to him!”  
     “Me neither, Rogers, but at least he’s not as scary now.”  
     “ _Tony._ ”  
     “I’m not wrong. Come on.”  
     “Actually, he’s terrifying. He’s like a guy out of a retro porn magazine, but deadly.”  
     “Clint, _really?_ ”  
     “You can’t tell me you haven’t noticed, Stark. Seriously, he’s walking around shirtless!”  
     “I’ll give him points on the arm. And the abs.”  
     “Can we _not_  talk about Bucky like this?”

     It’s at this point that Natasha interrupts. “Excuse me, _what_?” 

     Steve sighs when they all look at him. Apparently being Bucky’s best friend means that he’s also responsible for speaking on his behalf constantly, knowing where he is at all times, and essentially playing big brother. “The therapists had the brilliant idea of using the mind gem in Loki’s scepter to clear out some of the brainwashing, and they managed to pretty much erase everything about the war. He’s… he’s Bucky before he shipped out.” 

     Clint grins. “All ‘40s and everything. Remembers all of us, no problem with technology, but man you should’ve seen Wanda’s face when he called her a pretty dame.” Nat’s eyebrows go up. “Pietro completely lost it. Vision frowned. I’m pretty sure he has a crush, which is weird as hell. It was amazing.” 

     It’s at this point that said shirtless Bucky walks in, bedhead and all. He grins lazily at them, leaning in the doorway. “Hey fellas. Oh look, Natasha’s back! Any chance you can make me a cuppa, doll?” He winks shamelessly. “Can’t seem to get it quite the way you do.” 

     Honestly, it takes all of Nat’s training not to _choke_. She stares at him blankly for a moment and then nods. That seems to shock people almost as much as Bucky does, and the redhead considers that a small victory. 

* * *

     Over the next few days, Bucky flirts _relentlessly_. It’s not just Natasha either, it’s _all_  of them, which results in a combination of hilarity and awkwardness that the likes of the Tower have never seen. He also rarely puts a shirt on, which gets significantly less complaints than it should. 

     “It’s not like you don’t have an _entire wardrobe_  here, put something on!”  
     “Trying to keep me all to yourself, punk?”  
     “Oh for fuck’s sake!”  
     “Watch your mouth, Rogers. You live with some nice dames here, don’t ruin your chances.”  


     There’s the sound of feet storming out of the room, and Nat laughs as she walks by. For all that it feels like they’re cheating something, the change has made the place significantly more cheerful, and the Avengers consider themselves lucky. 

* * *

     Natasha no longer avoids Bucky. He _is_  Bucky now, there’s almost no trace of James and that helps her accept it and move on. They banter, try to beat each other at video games, tease Steve far too much, play pranks on Tony, and generally get along like a house on fire. Sam drops by one day and can’t help but comment that opposites must attract, because they’re a strange duo. Bucky cheerfully agrees. 

     He still hits the gym a lot, to pass time, to stay in shape, and supposedly to impress the ladies. He’s definitely there more often when Wanda and Nat are. That usually also means that Pietro and Vision are there, which prevents him from pulling too many moves on them, but it’s entertaining for everyone involved. 

              (…Except maybe Vision. Are androids supposed to get jealous?) 

     Natasha still prefers working out when she’s alone though, and her nightmares give her plenty of opportunity to wake up at odd hours of the night and go tackle some weights. She gives a punching bag a lot more than it deserves at two in the morning than two in the afternoon. One one of these midnight sessions, though, Bucky stops in, watching curiously as she goes through various kicks and punches. As the Winter Soldier, he would have been completely silent, barely detectable when he entered, and for some reason that must have happened because she doesn’t even notice him until she backs off to take a break. 

     “Can’t sleep?”  
     “Nah. Keep having dreams about people gettin’ snuffed out. Ain’t no fun, Red.”  
     “Mm.” All too familiar. “Come spar instead?”  
     “Yeah alright.”

     He’s still cautious about attacking with his metal arm but has learned not to hold back as much as he did when he started. She appreciates the challenge. When she falls into a comfortable rhythm with him, she tries not to think about how familiar this is as well– not successfully, but she tries. 

     Tonight something feels different though, and they spar like they mean it. She pins him and gets a jab to the stomach instead of a tap out, he grabs her by the throat and she punches him in the face. Neither complains– in fact neither says a single word. They go at it until they’re bruised and bleeding, and then another round after that too. 

     The man who walks off that mat is not Bucky anymore. 

* * *

     Everyone is shocked to see them the next morning. They’re both smiling, Nat’s making coffee as usual, and each has an ice pack to their face. Barnes nods at the others instead of his usual drawling greeting, and Steve looks like Christmas has been cancelled for the rest of his life. 

     Clint slides into the seat next to Natasha and snorts. “Cognitive recalibration?”  
      She bursts into a laugh. “Something like that,” she manages as the snickers die down.  
     “Did you fix him or break him?” Tony chimes in.  
     “I’m still here you know,” Barnes says with an eye roll.  
     “Fixed him, then.” The other seem befuddled enough not to say anything at all.

     He ditches the old therapist, visits the one that Tony recommends, and for the first time in months, he feels like he’s making progress. 

* * *

     “You don’t use Natalia anymore,” he says early one morning. They’ve settled on a medium, neither the silence of before nor the chatter that followed. “Why?” 

     “I left it in Russia, with many other things. I wasn’t sure that I was her anymore.” She’s honest with him. He understands. “I thought that’s why you let everyone call you Bucky.” 

     He hums thoughtfully, picking at his pancake. “I was just _Soldat_  to them, James doesn’t bother me. But I like that Steve calls me Bucky, so…” He shrugs. “I like being someone.” A pause. “Natalia wasn’t bad though.” 

      _He’s been remembering more things._ _But Natalia is not someone I could be. She wasn’t a person, she was a tool, just like the Soldat. Sometimes I’m not sure that’s changed. I’ve switched hands, changed names, but I’m still a weapon._ Natasha frowns. _But not just a weapon. I have friends now. I have a heart…I think._  
                As if you didn’t for him? Her traitorous brain replies.  
                _Perhaps. But I didn’t know what a heart was then,_  she answers.

     “James…” she tries out the name for the first time in decades and it catches in her throat. That’s not quite the man he is anymore, but he still looks and sounds like the man who saved her, and she fights down the emotions within her. The words choke out of her. “I’ll use that then.” 

     There’s a long silence where they just stare at each other, and then– 

     “Yeah, Tasha.” James murmurs around the lump in his throat. “I missed you too.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments? Feedback? I'd love to hear it! Drop me a line either here or on my tumblr (@artificiallyimplantedmemories) !


End file.
